My first Adult relationship on Steroids.

I need to get a on a regular writing schedule I know- if not for any other reason but to get better at expressing myself because there are too many situations in my life where what I really need is not being attained. I'm the middle of yet another permutations of something that has plagued my life: "the un-relationship." Have you been in this situation? It has so many variations. Sometimes it involves sex and the miming of partner like behavior bordering marriage type performance. Sometimes these dynamics are more of an unspoken bond. Its the best friend of the opposite sex who simulates partnership in every aspect of your life except of course the physical component. The latter was the common type in my life. I've had so many male friendships in my life who loved me for being there emotionally for them and making them laugh and cooking for them and sleeping in their beds with them- but nary would they lay a finger on me or call me their girl. It was a sterile marriage based on mutual appreciation of each other and perhaps a very strong neediness on my part- and an availability of course! These relationships destroyed my self confidence. They turned me into a unich. But at least in those relationships there was a fluidity- a mental conviviality and intimacy that I would take over being someone's lover any day. My last relationship was with indieboy. This post is to be continued.